Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Bristol Baby

 

 

One of the best ways to describe Bristol Motor Speedway:
"It's like flying F-16's in a gymnasium!"

This Saturday short track on steriods crams over 150,000
to look inside a fishbowl to witness 43 Nextel Cup cars do
their version of roller derby.

At the end of the night, if your car isn't bent, broke or banged
up...then you didn't run!

No other phrase in the English language can put a smile on the face of a NASCAR fan quicker than those four magic words.

And no, it’s not “Gentleman start your engines.”

Try “Bristol racing at night.”

Charlie can have his Chocolate Factory; for a NASCAR fan attending the night race at Bristol is their Golden Ticket. Because it’s a place where anything goes and usually does. Where the racing is so close you can actually taste it.

And while Bristol is one of most anticipated races of the year for fans, for the teams and drivers, Bristol could make or break a season especially as the cutoff for the ‘Chase’ is fast approaching.

“Bristol will be the race that makes it or breaks it for a lot of teams, as far as getting into the 'chase' is involved,” said Ryan Newman. “We went into last year's race with that mentality and came out with our best ever finish there. It's oration with Iraq on weapons, but it was unable to complete that investigation. But Iraqi officials whom the group was able to interview "uniformly denied any knowledge of residual WMD that could have been secreted to Syria," the report said.

The report, which refuted many of the administration's principal arguments for going to war in Iraq, marked an official end of a two-year weapons hunt led most recently by former U.N. weapons inspector Charles Duelfer. The team found that the 1991 Persian Gulf War and subsequent U.N. sanctions had destroyed Iraq's illicit weapons capabilities and, for the most part, Saddam had not tried to rebuild them. Iraq's ability to produce nuclear arms, which the administration asserted was a grave and gathering threat that required an immediate military response, had "progressively decayed" since 1991.

Administration officials have emphasized that, while the survey group uncovered no weapons of mass destruction, it concluded that Saddam had not given up the goal of someday acquiring them.
tration officials have emphasized that, while the survey group uncovered no weapons of mass destruction, it concluded that Saddam had not given up the goal of someday acquiring them.

"Avoiding The Draft!"

 

 

This weekend is Talladega...Home of some of the most spectacular Nascar Wrecks in the history of the sport. I'm not sure about this, but, didn't Nascar implement a new rule this year, that all drivers must file a flight plan before the green flag drops?

Did you know, that there has been more lead changes this year, than the Nextel Cup has had in a long long time, if ever.

Networks and fans are lovin' it....some drivers and teams see otherwise!

With the smaller spoiler and softer tires, the Cup cars have become more unstable than most teams can remember. That scares the hell out of some drivers going into this restrictor plate race.

A few years ago, Goodyear came out with a tire, that could go forever. Nascar wanted more passing, and wanted these cars slower through the corners. So they started to sneak softer tires in. These tires create more grip and the Cup cars would abuse the right front of the car, hitting the turn. That's why you see so many blowouts.

Not that tires will play a huge roll this weekend, but the drivers would really appreciate it, if all four would stay on the track and not in the air! (wink)

Talladega is the only track where you floor it, aim, and pray to God you stay in the draft. You want nose to tail, with that car in front of you. If not, you get hung out to dry ...all by yourself...just flapping in the wind. It's a white knuckle ride, where most driver's sphincter is so tight, you could open a 2 liter bottle of Coke with their butt!

Mark
http://www.nascarstockcar.com

Monday, April 25, 2005

"Wall Whacking Waltrip Wanting Win!"

 

 

One of the biggest stories (and there were many) to come out of this seasons first night race last weekend in Phoenix, has to be Michael Waltrip.

Let's re-cap shall we?

  • The incredible comeback for Carl Edwards, who was two laps down, finishes 7th.
  • Greg Biffle's possible weekend sweep comes to a screeching halt, after he drives Mike Bliss' rear bumber through his radiator during a pit stop on lap 168, after several pit stops, he would end up 41st.
  • Junior has a top five, with Talladega up next.
  • It's been 14 races since Jimmy Johnson finished outside of the top ten, and he claims Tony Stewart brake checked him....uh yeah, do you get the feeling those two are going to be a couple all year?
  • Gordon never leads a lap, at a track he's never won at.

Well, you can't say that Mikey didn't try! Come on, admit it, didn't you wantWaltrip to win? Hey, hats's off to Kurt Busch, but it was fun watching Waltrip whackin' the walls at PIR.
Mike's older brother, Darrell, who's nickname was Jaws, (for always flapping his jaws) is known for having great sound bites. Michael is cut from the same cloth. In the post race interview, Michael had some very humbling sound bites himself:..."the car was great, then I ran out of talent!" (Brilliant! Clink!)


Waltrip always seems to hover around the top of the rumor chain, saying his days at D.E.I. are numbered. (some even refer to Michael as the Rodney Dangerfield of Nascar) He's driving the same cars Junior drove last year, with Junior's crew chief now on top of his pit box, and if it wasn't for a few blown motors this year. Mikey could easily be sitting in the top five in points.


It'll be interesting to watch the D.E.I. camp in Alabama this weekend, they own that place! Good Luck, Mikey!
We'll all be watching and waiting, as you, along with 42 other drivers, keep the pedal to the metal and aim your Cup car for 500 miles.


Yep, watching and waiting for the big one (A Nascar Wreck)...cause it's going to happen, always does, and always will..just wondering when!


Mark

http://www.nascarstockcar.com/


Saturday, April 23, 2005

"Driving While Blind!"

 

 

I have no idea how you found this Nascar Wrecks website, but I promise to give you enough Nascar know how, to dazzle all your drunk friends during the race tomorrow night.

It's the first night race of the year, but, it's got to get dark before they turn on the lights.

That's got all the teams concerned, pole winner Jeff Gordon...who's never won at Phoenix, along with several other top Cup drivers have voiced their opinion about racing at night.

Oh, don't misunderstand, they love running under the lights, when it's dark! The problem is when the sun is going down, they can't see a thing going into the turn.

Jeff Gordon:... "driving into the turn that fast and not being able to see the track, is like a matador stepping into the bullring, with his sword, wearing a blindfold!"

Does BluBlocker make a tear-away? Hey, what a great excuse...some driver pisses you off (that almost NEVER happens!), just do a bump draft in the corner, put 'em in the wall and blame it on the sun.

Phoenix Facts:...

- Mark Martin leads all drivers with eight top-five and 13 top-10 finishes at Phoenix.
- Rusty Wallace has led 868 laps at Phoenix International Raceway, more than any other driver. - Greg Biffle has not scored a top-10 finish at Phoenix.

There have been 14 different winners in 17 races at Phoenix International Raceway. Only Dale Earnhardt Jr., Davey Allison and Jeff Burton (two each) have posted multiple victories there.
All three won back-to-back there.

There's just something about those cars under the lights that make 'em look like they're going faster, than they actually are, so without a doubt, it's going to be fun to watch.

Oh, and one more thing......Happy Earth Day!
You know, if the earth were an apartment...I don't think we'll be getting our deposit back!

Mark
www.NascarStockCar.com
P.S....Feel free to send this to a friend, print it out, or forward it in an email.

Friday, April 22, 2005

"Why Don't You Impound This!"

 

 

Welcome back to Nascar Wrecks, don't know how you found us, just glad you did.

In 21 of 36 races, plus the All-Star race, Nascar will impound the Cup cars after qualifying....This weekend in Phoenix, is one of those races!

Here's what happens: After they qualify, the car is escorted back to their garage stall by a Nascar Official, except for the top five cars, they go to a designated area for post-qualifying inspection.

Once the car is parked in their stall, only two crew members can stay in the garage. Here's what they are allowed to do:...Shut off the electrical switches, remove the radio...check air pressure in the tires...cover up the car...and get the hell out.

Then on race day...

Two crew members, escorted by a Nascar Official, are allowed back in... to plug in the oil heater...open the hood...push the car out...fire it up...close the hood...set the tire pressure...install radio and water bottle.. remove or repair tape on car front.

Here's what they CAN'T do:
Enter garage without a Nascar Official there...jack up the car...get in the car...add water or pressurize the cooling system...Adjust wedge, shocks or sway bars...add fuel, oil or brake fluid...remove the air box...adjust fenders, spoiler or any part on the body.

Then, a maximum of three crew members, accompanied by a Nascar Official, can walk it over to tech for inspection.

If you don't follow these rules, you get sent to the principles office, and they make you stay after to clap erasers....or something like that.

Now, you know...as promised you will always learn a little nugget of Nascar knowledge everytime you stop by...Do me a favor and tell your friends how to find us. Okay?

Mark
http://www.nascarstockcar.com/
P.S...Have you got your copy of "Warrior's of Metal - What They Get Paid!" yet?What are you waiting for?...it's FREE..and find out how much cash these Cup driversmake! Just fire off an email to imawreck@nascarstockcar.com I promise to NEVER give your email address to anyone...never...no way..ain't gonna happen.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

"Rising From The Ashes In Phoenix!"

 

 

Imagine, having a really bad sunburn, and then going to the desert!

Tony Stewart plans on doing just that.

After a crankshaft broke apart, going into turn one last week in Texas, resulting in the #20 Home Depot car becoming engulfed in flames. Before Tony could bail out, he suffered some second degree burns and a lot of first degree burns on the back of his leg.

Borrowing a line from Sam Elliot in the movie "Road House"...That's gotta hurt!

Tony Stewart: "I'm not in near as much pain today as I have been (Monday) and Sunday. But Sunday, I had a lot of discomfort. They gave me a shot while we were at Texas that basically let me sleep the whole flight home and I slept through the night pretty good."

Now comes Phoenix....It's going to be hot in the desert,...but, hey, it's a dry heat, right?

Tony Stewart: "The only thing we're going to have to worry about is the sensitivity to heat. So we're going to have to sit down with the doctor and evaluate that. I'm still planning on running both the Busch and Cup races this weekend. But as far as what we'll do to shield the wounds from the heat, I'm not exactly sure what that's going to entail yet."

Yeah, but you seemed pretty cool gettin'out of the car?

Tony Stewart: "No, I was honestly pretty surprised. I hadn't practiced getting out of the car in a hurry and that's the first time I've ever been on fire. I had to stop for a second and try not to panic because my natural instinct was to panic because I was getting burned."

(pardon the pun)...Tony, you are about the only thing that's been..uh.. HOT... for Joe Gibbs Racing so far this season!

Tony Stewart: "it's just been a little bit of everything this year. We've been off on our aero program some. Obviously we had a motor problem that we haven't had in the past happen this past weekend with the crankshaft breaking. We've had weird things happen that we're not used to. So, I'm not sure what the problem is, but hopefully we'll find it soon to where we can get the issues addressed."

(The answers above are from a real teleseminar with reporters, the questions are from the idiot that runs this Nascar Wrecks website)

Nascar and the Love Boat!

Have you noticed the star quality of Grand Marshal's this year?

Mathew McConaughey, grand marshal for the Daytona 500.
Anthony Edwards from ER, in Martinsville.
George Lopez, last week at Texas

Announcing:... The Aaron's 499 NASCAR Nextel Cup race May 1 at Talladega Superspeedway will have comic actor Adam Sandler serving as grand marshal. His new movie - a remake of "The Longest Yard" is coming out... look for a paint scheme on Kasey Kahne's Dodge.

And.....

Larry the Cable Guy? (I'm not kidding!) The Grand Marshal of the Sonoma Nextel Cup race in June at Infineon
Raceway.....

Gentlemen, Start Your Engines....and Git-R-Done!

Mark

P.S....Jeff Gordon could pull down over $10 million this year, as a driver and car owner (#48 Lowe's Chevy) if you'd like to learn how much a Nextel Driver earns, grab a Free copy of "Warrior's of Metal, What They Get Paid!"..Just send a email to imawreck@nascarstockcar.com...I promise to NEVER give your email address to anyone..you see, I hate spam ...or any other form of unsolicited email....
Your Nascar buddies will be buyin' - a beverage of your choice - all night....after you spout off the amazing facts, you learn from this Nascar Wrecks website....So tell 'em where you got it from, print out a copy, or just forward it in an email.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

"Let's Play - Name That Car Owner!"

 

 

I don't know how you found this Nascar Wrecks website.


But, however, you got here, you have arrived at what is, without question, a Nascar website where you'll gain some serious Nascar knowledge.

So, if your just some hanyock (is that a word?), lookin' for pictures of smashed up Cup cars, hit the back button, I'm sure you'll find plenty.


Seven Nextel Cup races down, and twenty-nine to go.


Three races won by Rick Hendrick, Three races won by Jack Roush, and one race won by Richard Childress, right?....not, entirely true.


So "Let's Play - Name That Car Owner!"

(hang on a sec...I gotta switch into game show host mode.)


He's won three of the last eight races, #16 Greg Biffles car is owned by? Jack Roush?....(buzzer) wrong!...the owners name is Geoff Smith.


The defending Nextel Cup Champion is Kurt Busch, who drives #97, also, owned by Jack Roush....(buzzer). Sorry, but, that car's owner is Georgette Roush - Jack's wife.


He's had two top five finishes in the last two weeks, #40 car drivin by Sterling Marlin, and owned by?...did you just say Chip Ganassi?...(buzzer)...oh, you were close, nope, the name you need is Felix Sabates.


Martinsville Pole Winner #10 Scott Riggs car owner?...Let's hear it for James Rocco.


Here's an easy one....who owns #8 Dale Jr. and #15 Michael Waltrip's car.....if you said, Teresa Earnhardt (ding), you are correct!


editor's note: Attention: Domino's Pizza...will you puulleeeesse stop running that "I'm the King of Nascar" commercial, where Jr. and Mikey are yappin' at each other in the garage stall.....It was cute the first 100 times....but, since the boys at D.E.I. are struggling just a tad..PARK IT...it's starting to sound like white noise!

editor's note to the editor:...Hey Mark...what did you have for breakfast this morning? Carnation Instant Bitch?


And now for our final segment of "Name That Car Owner!"


His car and driver have finished in the top ten for the last 14 races, this owners driver is well on his way, as the odds-on favorite to win the Nextel Cup this year. If you said, Rick Hendrick.. is the owner of the points leading #48 Lowes Chevrolet....(buzzer) wrong!......(drum roll)....the owner is none other than "The Wonderboy" himself...Jeff Gordon! (ta-da)


Thanks for playing "Name That Car Owner!"


Wow, only 7 races in and let's go to the prize money tote board, so far this year...Jeff Gordon as a driver has earned $ 2,441,824 for his team, as an owner his team has won $2,072,499....Let's combine those figures = four million, five hundred fourteen thousand, three hundred and twenty-three dollars.

Michael Waltrip on the Speed Channel says: "Jeff will make 8 figures this year!"

uh Mikey? did you say 8 figures? as in 10 million?...daaammmnnn, kinda' makes me wish I paid more attention in driver's ed!

Ever wonder how much a Nextel Driver actually makes? Check out "Warrior's of Metal - What They Get Paid!" get your FREE copy by sending an email to imawreck@nascarstockcar.com it doesn't cost you anything, other than just a quick email....I promise to NEVER give your email address to anyone..you see...I hate spam...and any other unsolicited email.


Just think how brilliant you'll appear, when all your buddies are flapping off at the jowels, and you smack 'em with these little nuggets of Nascar know-how!


'till next time,


Mark

www.nascarstockcar.com


P.S..Feel free to share this Nascar Wrecks website with a friend, print it out, or forward it in a email.

Monday, April 18, 2005

The Rest of "Bruton Babbles Before Biffle Baffles" Blog

 

 

I have no idea how you found this Nascar Wrecks website....But, I'm glad your here.

Some unfinished business first.

The two previous articles..either.. never made it or just half of what was printed showed up.
It's a shame you missed 'em...'cause they were pure gold. They're just floating around in some black hole out in cyberspace. Never to return...

Here's why: I can't remember what I wrote...(I'm actually laughing out loud, while writing this!)..it's true...My memory lasts about as long as a Jason Leffler green flag run...you know, two laps and in the wall.... so, let me get crackin' before the caution lights come back on.

It was a good day for Roush, Greg Biffle wins and Kurt Busch 7th,... Ganassi, puts three cars in the top five, They have never done that before...and at D.E.I., Michael wheels in at 6th, with Junior 9th.

Bad day for Joe Gibbs Racing, ..well, there was Jason (a Nascar Wreck) in the FedEx car, that 20 car exploding and catching on fire...Tony Stewart suffered burns on his elbow and back of his thigh...Doc says, he'll be fine though, which is great news... and then Texas native Bobby Labonte, who got taken out on lapp 33, he looked so sick from the flu on TV...I wanted to do a beer bong of NyQuil.

Biffle's burnout on the start/finish lines was one of the better ones this year, shredding his Goodyears and leaving over $800.00 worth of rubber on the track...each tire costs, just about a case of Bud (official beer of Nascar) over $400...

Kinda doubt Jack Roush cared though, since Biffle banked $540,250.00 for the team. It's his 3rd win in 8 races. How much of that does Greg get?...Thanks for asking.

I just wrote "Warriors Of Metal - What They Get Paid!" which explains how much a Nextel Cup driver actually makes...just send me an email at imawreck@nascarstockcar.com and I'll send you this Free report faster than a Ryan Newman pole run, and I promise to NEVER give your email to anyone, period...you see..I hate spam..or any other form of unsolicited email.

mark
www.nascarstockcar.com

P.S. feel free to send this to your friends, print out a copy, or forward it in an email.

"Bruton Babbles Before Biffle Baffles"

 

 

I have no idea how you found this Nascar Wrecks website.

Maybe, a friend told you about it. Maybe, you just stumbled upon it while you were surfing the web...or, perhaps, you really are looking for pictures and videos of Nascar Wrecks....you sick freak....

But, however, you got here, you have arrived at what is, without question, a Nascar website where you actually might learn about a sport, you know very little about.....other than a bunch of cars going around in a circle.

If that statement offends you.....good....now, go over to that cooler and grab a cold one (get me one too) and let's talk racin'.

First, ....gotta give the Tony Soprano of Nascar, Bruton Smith duels..(uh, that's two thumbs up) for throwing that party at the Texas Motor Speedway. Bruton owns just a few tracks, you might have heard of them..Charlotte, Atlanta, Vegas, Texas...Did you hear what he said on the Speed Channel just before they dropped the green flag?

He's been trying to sell the First Family of Nascar, Bill France and the boys, on splitting up the Nextel Cup in to an AFC - NFC type scenerio! Let me 'splain what he meant by that.

There are a lot of tracks that...with a little tweak here and there... can handle Nextel Cup type action. There are a lot of very talented drivers out there, that can beat the big boys right now...if they only had a shot. There is just not enough room for 'em the way Nascar is currently running the Nextel Cup.

So with that said, Bruton Smith (the Godfather of roundy rounds) says, "Hey, we'll have a 1pm race on the east coast, and then have a 4 or 4:30pm race on the west coast, every Sunday!"

Hey, big guy, I think your on to something here, babe.

Does that mean we send Gordon, Johnson and Busch back to the left coast, and keep Junior, Stewart, and Sadler for the east coast?

Well hell, I'm all for it....how 'bout you? Come on...qualifying and practice on Friday... a Busch or Truck race, with Cup practice on Saturday... then on Sunday, pre-race at 11am, green flag at one, then another green flag at 4:30...followed by the post-race show. Yep, then and only then, will I go outside and

Thursday, April 14, 2005

"Well, I Don't Think We Can Buff That Out!"